A Disappointment?

June 24, 2015 (original post here)

A couple of days after my graduation I started receiving a bunch of congratulation cards. I read every single one of them, but today, today was different. I received a congratulation card from one of my auntys, but I really consider her as a second mom and her daughter, a sister. In the card she had written the sweetest note and as I sat there in my car thinking about it, all I could think about is where I’m at now. 

I feel like my family (I consider friends as family) have had these high expectation for what I was going to do when I was done with school, but all I’m doing is working a part-time job as a sales associate and I haven’t gotten a call from a job I really, really want. Well, I did get one, but they were hiring so fast, I didn’t have time to clear my schedule for the interview. At the end of the day, they’ve seen me accomplish something great (graduating), and now they’re waiting to see what I can accomplish. The main question went from “So when are you graduating?” to “What are you planning to do now?” 

The answer to the last question is simple. I don’t know. I know what I want to do, but I don’t know how to get myself there and I don’t know when that opportunity will come. Sure, I enjoy working where I do now, but I didn’t go to school to be a sales associate my entire life. I love the company and everything, but I don’t want to feel stuck there. 

I can’t stop thinking that I’m going to be there, in that store, for forever. I can’t stop thinking that at the end of the day, I spent all these years working my tooshie off to be nothing. I can hear the hope in some of my family’s voices when they talk about “all the possibilities out there” and “all that you’ll accomplish.” I can’t help but to feel a little guilty to not have had a full-time “grownup” job straight out of college. I also feel guilty for depending on my parents so much. 

Then I’m reminded that I’m not the only one out there who’s in this predicament. I’m not the only one who is feeling like they’re disappointing my family, and I also remember that I am trying. I’m trying to get myself to where they expect me to be and at the same time I know I don’t want to sacrifice my happiness and just settle for anything. 

So for some I may be a disappointment, but to others, I’m just normal. Until I find exactly what it is I’m looking for, I’ll need to remember that I’m trying and at the end of the day, it’s a hell of a lot better than doing nothing. If anything, I would be a disappointment if I didn’t do anything, if I did nothing. 

If you’re feeling similar, then remember, at the end of the day, your at least making the effort or taking the steps to become successful. Don’t let anyone discredit your efforts because you’re trying. There are a bunch of people who are just sitting around, doing nothing, just hoping that the right opportunity will fall into their lap. It’s not going to happen that way. The only way for an opportunity to come your way is by going out there and letting it know you’re ready. Just because you haven’t found the right job or the right school, that doesn’t mean you’re a disappointment; it just means the right opportunity hasn’t come your way yet. Keep working for it everyday. Keep you head up. Keep cal… just kidding, I’m not going to tell you that. What I am going to tell you is that keep going and the opportunity will find you.

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