May 16, 2015 (original post here)
Today was the day that I had been waiting for. I got my expensive piece of paper that I can’t return; well, I didn’t technically get it, figuratively I did. Though I was happy to be sitting there with all that I’ve accomplished I realized that I’ve been blessed, but at the same time, I feel like I traded one weight on my shoulders for another.
I was hoping that when I graduated, I would already have a full-time job lined up and I would be able to start working a “real” job. I don’t. I used to worry about what classes to take, what professors to take, how I would organize my schedule, making sure I would have enough time to study or work on projects, etc. Now I’m worried that I will never find a career that I really want. As I’m typing this out, I’m literally looking for jobs and there’s nothing out there that I’m excited about. I can’t picture myself doing any of these jobs and I’m worried that I’ll never find one and that I’ll be working this retail job for the rest of my life. To be fair, I love my co-workers, but I didn’t go to college to work retail. I went to college so that I will get the career that makes me happy.
Though I had those thoughts running through my mind during the commencement ceremony, I realized exactly how far I’ve come and how much work I’ve put in. At the end of the day I wanted to make this portion the appreciation portion:
- My Parents/Family: If you come from a closely knit family, you’ll know exactly how thankful I am for everything that they’ve done for me. When I walked into the stadium and was waiting to be seated, I was able to spot my family in the crowd and waving at them, I got a little teary, because that’s when I realized that those were the people that have been with me when I felt like college was never going to end, and I know that they’ll be with me through all the good times. I’ve been so blessed to have them with me. Deep down, I know that this could’ve been completely different. In fact, it’s kind of scary for me to think where I would be if I didn’t think they supported me or cared about me. For all that they do, I am truly grateful and I would never be able to thank them enough for all that they’ve done. Through all the disagreements, I know that they’ll be there.
- Friends: To both new and old I’m thankful for each and every person that I’ve met. Throughout my years in college, I’ve honestly met some of the most inspirational and motivating individuals. I’ve also been lucky enough to continue to grow my friendships with those from my childhood and home. They’ve been with me through every single step. I chose them to be my family and I gotta admit I did a damn fine job at it. I know I have people I can talk to when I need advice and I know I have people to turn to when I’m not ready to talk to my family. Having them in my life has made it more fruitful and thankful.
- The Boyfriend: I really don’t know how on Earth I got so lucky to be able to find this guy and sometimes I think that there could’ve been a chance that I would’ve never met him. For the last two years of my college life I’ve had this guy by my side. I don’t know how he was able to deal with me during the semesters, I become a bi-polar/stressed-out mess, but he dealt with it and he even helped me deal with some of the stress. It’s difficult to put in words exactly how thankful I am to have him on this journey with me, but I couldn’t ask for a better partner. I love the fact that we were able to graduate together and share such a special day with each other. I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend and mega best friend.
- Lord: Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but this is a huge part of me. I know I wouldn’t be anywhere without him. I owe everything to him. He knows the many different directions my life could’ve gone, but yet he lead me on this path. I know I stray away from it everyday, but he always finds a way to bring me back right where he wants me. I read this thing where it said the feeling of Deja Vu is the universe letting you know that you’re in the right place at the right time, and when it’s come to some major decisions and defining moments, I’m glad that I’m able to feel that brief moment of Deja Vu. It gives me a sense of comfort knowing that I’m exactly where He wants me to be.
Overall, it’s been an emotional day for me, but throughout the day, I just felt a sense of love. I was surrounded by the people I cared for the most and I’m so glad that I made the decision to walk. Though I may not have a career, at least I have accomplished one of my main goals and I was able to make my family proud.