February 24, 2015 (original post here)
For the past couple of days I’ve just been feeling like things are going my way. I’m sure they’re not as bad as it seems, but you know how it is, sometimes when a pebble hits you it feels like a boulder. I guess I’m just having a difficult time juggling everything. I feel like I don’t have the energy to keep up and I’m falling behind. However, I don’t want to give up anything, although I don’t have much to give up…
It’s not like I have a lot on my plate. However, it’s just been small little things that have been adding up. Although it’s early in the semester, I’ve dropped the ball a couple of times in some of my classes and I feel like I’ve been lagging at work. I think it’s because I’m too tired and I just don’t care anymore. I’ve always been one to give 110%, but right now it feel like I’m giving way more than that and it’s leaving me feeling drained.
I’ve been thinking a little bit of what to do to help me get out of this funk. I think that I tried to do too much, which is very typical of me. I figured that I should take a day away from my availability at work and use that day to kind of relax, but also make sure I’m keeping up with my classes. However, the problem is that I already have two days off from work because of school (i’m in school all day on Mondays and Wednesdays) but it’s not like it’s an actual day off. Does that make sense? Like even though it says off on my schedule, it still feel like I’m going to work. At the end of the day, it just feels like I’ve been going non-stop, and it feels like I’ve been going non-stop since the semester started.
To add to it, I found out that I’m not getting my full tax refund because I can still be claimed as a dependent, but last year, I couldn’t even file my taxes because my parents claimed me as a dependent. So, that was such a bummer because it was $1,000 that I’m not getting back. However, if my parents file their taxes and try to claim me, we think that they won’t be able to since I already filed my taxes. Basically we’re stuck in a gray area and I honestly don’t want to be ripped off. I paid for practically my entire schooling. I’ve paid for my books (except for one semester) and I’ve paid for all my semesters (except for one).
I’ve been working my butt off and it feels like I just keep getting pushed back, or there’s someone/something stopping me from going forward. I just want to be back, mentally, to where I was. I don’t want to feel defeated every time I wake up and I don’t want to dread what the day has in store for me. I literally wake up nowadays and I just don’t want to do anything.
I know I’ll be able to pull myself out of this eventually, but the question is how long will it take me? I know that something needs to change and it needs to be soon. How do you guys deal with the lemons that life throws at you??