I really tried to figure out how I was going to write this. If you’ve been following my blog for a while you’ll know that I go through these highs and lows. You’d also know that I recently lost my part time job, but found a full time “real” job. On paper, things are going exactly how they should be. I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.
However, deep down, I’m struggling. I’m struggling to find the little pieces of happiness. I’m struggling to keep my soul happy and healthy. I’m struggling with the fact that what I thought I wanted is no longer what I want.
I’ve only been at my job for about a week, and let me tell you, I feel empty. It’s not just the job, but lately it feels like I’m just walking in a circle. I want to be free to do my own thing and not have to worry about a career, money, time, etc. I just want to explore and travel. I want to experience a lifestyle of no inhibitions. I want to just enjoy the small moments in life.
When I decided not to transfer to another store, after my store closed, I felt like I would finally have the time to do what I wanted. All I could think about was the blogs I was going to post, the time I’d be able to spend with my boyfriend, spending time at the gym, and just enjoying a slower pace. Obviously that didn’t happen. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so lucky and blessed to have this opportunity I have now, but I just feel burnt out. Everything in my life, in terms of school and career, has always seemed go-go-go.
I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a difficult time sleeping this week. I just want to be selfish and not care about my responsibilities and brush them off, but I know that’s definitely not an option. I just want to breathe a little and I honestly just want to be able to work on my blog and spend time with my boyfriend. I’m sorry if you guys are tired of hearing that, but the amount of time we get to spend with each other isn’t enough for me. We only get to see each other about once a week – it used to be two when I was working at GAP. So although we’ve been together for more than 2 years, it’s kind of like we’ve only been together for 1 since we don’t get to see each other often.
SO here’s my question to you guys… What do you do to enrich your soul?? Do you take walks?? Write in a journal?? What is it that you guys do to refresh yourself?? I’d love to know what it is you guys do OR maybe you guys can let me know how you get through a difficult job – one that you don’t quite like to do?? When I worked in retail, it was nice because I could always talk to one of my co-workers or just walk around and fold stuff. I would even talk to customers a lot more than just the surface stuff. I’ve been lucky because the only part of the day that seems really long is when the secretary leaves for lunch and I have to man the phone lines.
I hope this might be able to help one of you out there who feels like their dealing with these types of things alone. You’re never alone, and that’s why I love coming on here or Tumblr because you can find so much more support (sometimes) through these social media outlets than in life.