[MY DIARY] Diary of a Shopaholic 

HI hi hi!

I was attempting to clean up a section of my room tonight and it was the most cluttered section in my room. As I began I noticed bags and bags filled with stuff that I had forgotten about. Though most of the things that I had were actual necessities (i.e. lotion, body wash, feminine product, etc.) I found things like scrapbooking supplies, DIY materials, 2 clothing items, notebooks, etc. The truth is, I know I have a shopping problem, in fact…I noticed it as a problem when I was in high school. When I was bored I would immediately go into a store and buy something I didn’t need only because I was bored. I remember even buying a portable AM/FM radio – a freaking portable radio! The more I would save up and the more money I would have the more I wanted to buy things. It didn’t matter what type of mood I was in buying things made me feel better.

As I got older I thought I had it under control, but when I moved to the mainland, the loneliness settled and I turned back to shopping. Though I didn’t have much money, I had a whole new room to decorate and that was a good enough of an excuse for me to keep buying.

See, the thing is, in my convoluted mind I will always need something – anything. I will always have an urge to buy something and the price isn’t always an issue. No matter what type of mood I’m in I will always want to buy something no matter what type of store I’m in. I could be in Bass Pro Shop where I have no reason to be shopping (I’m not outdoorsy at all) and I could still find something to buy! I literally almost bought an EMR (Emergency Meal Replacement) just because I thought it’d be cool to try – instead I bought a mini pepper spray keychain which is actually a really good purchase.

Being a shopaholic is a problem that most people don’t see as a valid problem to have. For me it’s a huge problem. It has exaggerated once I started making more – now I constantly want to buy things! Going on the internet or browsing through Instagram is a struggle sometimes because when I see things I like or may want, I immediately want to get it, especially because I’m an impulse shopper as well.

I have a problem. It’s shopping. When they say “mo money mo problems” they aint lying. However, for me it’s not because it attracts unwanted attention, it brings about temptation of a different type. I just want to buy things and the sad part is, it’s not always about the product I’m buying. Sometimes it’s purely going through the process of buying something that brings me this euphoric feeling. It’s sad.

So what helps me when I feel myself slipping? I remind myself of the things that I have to pay as well as providing for my future. I remind myself that I want to pay off my student loan, pay off my car loan, save enough to be able to pay a mortgage, etc. I remind myself that I should wait because something better will come out. I use mind games to trick myself into not buying things.

However, I struggle sometimes and I “binge” in a way, especially when there are good deals or when I’m feeling depressed. 

Like any addiction, there are good days and there are bad days. I struggle and I am constantly surrounded by temptation. Everywhere I go, it’s an opportunity to buy something. I’m lucky to have family and friends who provide support by talking me out of buying things or don’t even put me in a situation where I’m tempted to buy something. 

I wanted to share my story because I think there are a lot of people who deal with something similar, but don’t want to acknowledge the problem. For a long time I used shopping as a way to bring instant satisfaction into my life – a temporary high. At the end of the day, no matter how many things I bought, the emotions and problems still remained. The battle isn’t over, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t conquered something.

xoxo,

Ciaociao808

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