Hi hi hi!
The past few days have been a battle for me. I have been struggling a lot in regards to my depression, and the weather has seem to affect my physical health. I have been plagued with a headache since Monday, February 4th. I am currently taking antibiotics and anti-inflammatory medicines, but they don’t seem to be helping. Anyhow, I wanted to kind of just blab a bit regarding careers.
I have always been obsessed with what career path I was going to follow. For me, it was so important because it was something that I was going to dedicate 40+ hours to a week. After I graduated college, I was lucky enough to find a full-time job in my field (Business Management/Marketing), however it hasn’t really pushed me out of my comfort zone. I figured, I will stay at this job for one year and then move on. Now I’m three years in and struggling.
What really started all this thinking was a sermon that my church had this past Sunday. We started a new series called G.O.A.T and this week’s message was entitled Uncomfortably Comfortable. We talked about how we shouldn’t be comfortable with our relationship with God, but instead he wants us to pursue the path of uncomfortability. Jesus did the uncomfortable – He would sit with the sinners, have meals with the tax collectors, and stand up to those of the church. He pushed the limits and it was in the uncomfortable where you could see the hands and feet of God moving. So when I take that and I look at my life – I am so upset with myself in regards to how I let fear of the unknown control me.
My fiance and I were having a conversation on our way to an Open House, and we started talking about different careers I could look into. I was upset that I couldn’t go with him on an overnight trip because I had to work the next day (President’s Day), and that’s when I finally told him how frustrating it is for me to feel like I’m always being left out because of work. Like I mentioned, we were talking about the different career paths I could look into, and he suggested that I should pursue getting a sponsorship from a bowling ball company and that could potentially open doors to be able to bowl more tournaments and win more money.
I must insert a backstory here. When I really got into bowling back in high school, I dreamed about bowling on the PBA tour – the PWBA tour had already disbanded when I really got into it. I worked hard and attended college on the mainland to bowl collegiately and to broaden my horizons. After graduating college, I realized that I didn’t have the financial means (or time) to dedicate to that dream. So in a way, I had to let that dream die.
Okay, so back to the conversation. My fiance is always supportive with what I do, and he lets me do things on my own terms, but I could tell that this was something he wanted me to really consider. We went on to talk about what would need to be done and what it could entail in regards to traveling, bowling tournaments, schedules, etc. Then he asked me what I thought, and these were the words that came out of my mouth, “I don’t know. I’m just afraid to take that step.” Seriously, after our Pastor did such an amazing job at telling us how we need to embrace the fear and jump into the uncomfortable, I sat there in the car and basically said, I’d rather sit in the comfortable. Needless to say, ever since I said those words, I have been thinking about it a lot. I’m not getting any younger and I feel like a chapter is closing. When the shop originally opened, I was so proud. I thought that I had taken this huge leap into the unknown and that I was taking this huge step in my faith, but then I realized that I had only taken a little hop forward. I left very little room for any type of blessing to occur and very little room for God to come in and do the work that’s needed. I had basically fooled myself into thinking that I was going into the unknown.
I had been playing around with the thought of fully leaving my job and finding something part-time so I could have some money coming in, but the thought of not having something stable scares me. Sure, it’s sensible to think that way, however, I just kept wondering to myself if I had missed the bigger picture because I was afraid. Did I miss the blessing that was coming my way because I couldn’t let go of the known? Did I miss the greatest chapter of my life because fear stopped me from moving forward?
A lot has been going through my mind in the past 24 hours and I have had some time to think about it. I’m not ready to make the jump, but I don’t want to miss His plans for me.