Hi hi hi!
I really don’t know how to start this, but I have been struggling and I feel bad because I feel like every time I post something, I am always struggling. My blog is not only a place where I share my favorite finds and lifestyle, but it’s also where I come to vent and release. I guess you can say it has become my escape.
To sit here and say that things are going great would be a lie. There are some really great things that are happening on the horizon, but there are also some things that are causing me a great deal of stress. My health feels like it’s declining and my mental health feels like I’m teetering on the edge. I have been trying to contain the dark thoughts in its box (in my mind), but it feels like things constantly slip out.
Work has been overwhelming and I am basically done. I’m done caring about it because right now, I am struggling to make it there everyday. The unnecessary stress that it causes has impacted both my physical health and mental health. I AM ONLY 26 YEARS OLD – I SHOULD NOT BE DEALING WITH THIS!
I’m sure some of you who are older are looking at this and you’re rolling your eyes. Yes, I see you, and you may also be thinking, “Boo-hoo, here’s another millennial who wants to sit around and do nothing and earn an income.” I get it. I understand, but understand where I am coming from. I am 26 years old. Since I stepped foot on to a school campus, it has been non-stop for me. When I was in high school, I got a job to start saving for college and once I graduated high school, I went straight into college. There was no summer of fun for me. During college I was a full-time student and was a part of a sports team. During my last few semesters in college, arguably the most busiest, I worked part-time and was a part of a sports team along with being a full-time student. The only time I was home was to sleep and that was only for about 5-6 hours. I spent more time out of the house than I did in it. Right after I graduated, I got a full-time job. A few months later got my own car and a few months after that I moved out. I own my own condo and thanks to my family’s condo investment, my fiance and I are looking for a new house.
Not to mention in between all of that, I have been running this blog, my YouTube channel, the corresponding accounts to go along with those and I have started my own business. So I don’t want to hear anyone saying that I’m a nagging millennial who doesn’t want to work because I have been busting my butt since the day I started elementary school.
At this point in life, I am beyond exhausted and am running on fumes. While maintaining all of this, I am in the process of planning my wedding and at work, I will be getting trained to do someone else’s job while she’s on maternity leave. So lucky me, I get to do not only my job, but hers as well. I am frustrated and worn down. I am tired and I am fed up. Words can’t describe how frustrated I am with myself for forcing myself to stay in this position. Words can’t describe how upset that I allowed myself to be taken advantage of for three years. Words can’t describe how fed up I am with handling others people shit (apologies for the offensive language). I am just done.
This year, I had promised myself that I would learn how to be selfish. I promised myself that I would do a better job at looking at for myself and my health and I am letting myself down. By the time I realized that I was selling myself short, it was too late. I tried to apply for a few jobs before my co-worker went on maternity leave, but now, there’s just no time. She’ll be gone in a few weeks for her 6-8 week leave and I’ll be left here. I’m lucky that I do have another co-worker who is willing to assist, but that’s not enough.
I guess you can say I’m tired of waiting for my moment. I was hoping by now my shop would have taken off and I would be able to have a few orders coming in here and there. I was hoping that I would be able to start monetizing some of my videos again and I was hoping that this blog would have had more views. I don’t want to give this up because it’s all I ever dreamed about doing. Yes, even as a high schooler, I wanted to become an influencer. To be quite honest, maybe I’m just not good enough for it…
The past few months have been tough. I have been fighting, but I’m not sure if I’m actually winning the battle, or if I’m just trying to chip away at a mountain.